Nancy Gutherie is no stranger to sorrow, she has done what none of us should have to do - bury a child, and she has had to do it twice. Her daughter Hope lived just 199 days and her son Gabriel lived only 183 days. I have just finished her book "Hearing Jesus Speak into your Sorrow" it is moving and very helpful, some chapters more than others, in particular the ones on God's purpose in pain, God's sufficient grace and on Jesus soothing our fear of death where she deals with those 'if only questions" that come to mind sometimes. And in her chapter on God's purpose she helpfully writes:
"To experience and exude peace when life is crashing down around you, to have the lightness of joy when the weight of sorrow is heavy, to be grateful for what God has given you when you've lost what is most precious to you - that is God at work on the interior of your life. It is the light of God piercing the darkness of this world."
I think my only reservation about the book is that she ends each chapter where she writes as if she were Jesus speaking to you, I find that a bit strange, and whilst she doesn't say anything controversial, I just find it strange! And so I would recommend another book that she has compiled as an even better read, it's called "Be Still My Soul" and you can get it here.
On the subject of suffering and pain, I'd also highly recommend Tim Keller "Walking with God through Pain and Suffering" and also "Kiss the Wave" by Dave Furman - though I've not finished this one, but what I've read so far is excellent, and I read his earlier book "Being There" which was another helpful read.
Please don't hesitate to get in contact if any of this raises things that you would like to talk or pray about.